Cul-de-sac

For the past couple of weeks, I have experienced lots of stress and frustration. The reason is: I feel stuck and, this is no new feeling. I have actually been feeling that way  for the past three years. So this is something I am familiar with, except that it has become unbearable lately because I’m starting to doubt myself.

My frustration stems from my inability to secure a job. It just seems like things are “blocked” for me – like my opportunities are benefitting someone else. Although I have always been successful in my studies, I never seemed able to fully transform that potential into a full-time job. Watching all my friends around me succeed and gradually building their careers is definitely not helping. Don’t get me wrong: I AM ABSOLUTELY HAPPY for them but at the same time, it leaves me wondering when will be my time.I am a human being and jealousy is a natural feeling.

While I am still a full-time graduate student, I had hoped that my first two degrees would have been enough to demonstrate my qualities and potential in the marketplace. Maybe I just have no idea how to sell or brand myself? Maybe I need to be more patient? Maybe you’re not all that special Isis and you need to face it? This frustration has become so invasive that it is starting to impact my relationship. While it is all happening in my head, my body as well is starting to feel it and this is not a good sign.

So today, more than any other days, I finally found the strength to voice my feelings – something that I still struggle with. (Mother Nature might have helped a little here) At 25, I have a bachelor and a masters’ degrees but still no job. My biological clock is starting to tick which only adds fuel to the fire. I am no longer sure whether I want to have a baby now or wait until I have secured a job. Why should I have to choose? Why can’t I simply have both? Why does it always have to be so complicated? I mean, I got to be good at something else than studying right?

Although I have received many words of encouragement from my family, friends and professors to trust the process and be more patient, I am starting to doubt that “my time will come.” And this is unacceptable as a Christian because I know God has a plan for everybody. I’m simply asking for a sign. I know I promised to be more positive and to only see the positive but it is hard. I know I am capable of doing it but right now, I just feel like I have reached a dead-end and it is quite discouraging.

I pray that God gives me the strength to keep up with my job search. I have never been the type to give up anyways. I guess this is just another lesson that life is teaching me and that I should be working harder on my patience. Alas, they don’t call it the mother of virtues for no reason. What I know for sure is that the wait has significantly humbled me.

That time I almost quit my internship

Why is it that I can’t seem to find the inner strength to stick to an internship for more than 3 months and keep it interesting at the same time ?

Have you ever had that one internship that you absolutely love but simply hate going to? I am sure we have all been there once but honestly, I think it is becoming a habit for me. At some point, I just can’t take the BS anymore, no matter how interesting, rewarding or challenging the position is. Why is it that I can’t seem to find the inner strength to stick to an internship for more than 3 months and keep it interesting at the same time?

yup-i-freakin-quitFirst, I get bored easily. I need to be in a working environment that stimulates me on a daily basis. I need to feel involved and work on projects that tick my curiosity allows me to be creative while teaching me new skills. I  cannot be satisfied with seating at my desk, browsing the internet, from 9 to 5, especially if I am not in my pajamas!

Second, I deeply despise the lack of organization. As my manager or supervisor, you need to think about a working plan before I start my assignment; otherwise I don’t see why you would even hire an intern. An internship is supposed to benefit the organization and trainee who expects to gain critical skills for their future job. An internship will also determine what type of company, industry and environment a young professional wants to work in. I look at every position as an open window into workplace, hoping it will help me decide what paths to choose in my professional career.

3pcsjiLast but not least, unpaid internships are the number one factors of disengagement in people. This common practice in the United States resembles slavery in most cases as interns’ performances often equal those of full-time staff members. As Governor Cuomo recently ratified the minimum wage increase in New York State, a few lucky people will get to enjoy a 15$ hour-rate while the rest of us, international students and illegal workers, have to comply with stupid work restrictions and regulations.

As a Millennial, I don’t think I necessarily enjoy quitting jobs but sometimes, it appears as if it is the only option available. When I start resenting my workplace and colleagues, I just cannot fake it anymore: I have to go. (And it shows on my face!) In order to maintain my work ethics, performances and to prevent damaging the relationships I built, I need to distance myself and look for other opportunities. “The biggest driver of disengagement is people feeling like they’re stuck in a job, and there’s nothing for them there” (Business Insider).

Maybe I am the problem, maybe I idealize my job too much. I like to believe that the perfect opportunity has not shown up yet and I must keep searching. Will I leave my current position? I don’t know yet. One thing is sure, once my mind is set to it, I will walk out, unapologetic.

riri