The Grey Zone

It’s been 10 weeks since I became a mom and what a wonderfully crazy ride. Between the sleepless nights, crazy messy hair and unfounded fights with my husband, I didn’t know what to think nor do. But guess what, we made it through.

You see, this is not something I can take back to the store if I don’t like it anymore nor give away to someone in need. Matter of fact it’s quite a serious commitment that I can’t back down from and I thought I was prepared but God no I wasn’t. I’ve been crying silently in the shower sometimes (when I could take one) trying to escape the frustration of not doing one thing right or being completely clueless.

I’ve been fighting and laughing with my husband over nonsense, while we both try to adjust to our new roles as parents at the same time as being a couple again. It’s been tough, it’s been stressful and scary but overall, it’s been amazing. Oyana is growing well and wayyy too fast. She is putting on all of her healthy weight and getting chubbier everyday! She is one happy baby that surprises us everyday.

On another note, I’ve been trying to get back to my old self. No pressure though. I yet have to get back to the gym and get a new membership so I can tone back my body. While I’ve been lucky to shed all of my baby weight and some extra pounds (thanks to breastfeeding), I lost my muscles and that will require some serious postpartum workout plan.

Work wise, I am still searching. Not as actively though as before because I want to enjoy my break at home taking care of my baby and travel a bit. But I am looking, because I don’t picture myself as a housewife only nor as a stay-at-home mom. I have more to offer and I have three degrees that I worked very hard on to get that need to be put to use.

I also am working/researching on some side projects (freelance most likely) close to my heart that will hopefully help me gain some experience and, stay up to date with my industry of interest. So if you need help or, know anybody that has some PR/Communications projects and opportunities, shoot me an email! Like seriously 🙂

Finally, I have taken a serious step back into my religious life, trying to regain a stronger and better connection with God and my spirituality. As a parent I believe it is important to also provide my children with spiritual guidance and protection. I therefore decided to observe lent this year, focusing on reducing stress and anxiety by limiting complains and unnecessary frustration caused by things I cannot control. I want to reconnect with my God, faithfully and completely, which requires lots of trust and self abandonment. It’s going to be hard, I know it already but, I am committed.

Once I figure out my routine with baby girl and re-establish a proper schedule for everything else in my life – fitness, work, relationship, social – the posting will become more regular on the blog. I know some of you may be disappointed with my absence or even the content of the blog right now but that’s where I am right now. And I will always try to remain as transparent as I can rather than making empty promises.

PS: More posts in French coming soon !

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One chapter closes, Another opens

For the past five years since I moved to New York City, my life has solely revolved around my degree and job search. Nothing else mattered.

After submitting my capstone, which brought an end to my NYU journey, I realized that my outlook on life had completely changed. I could not care whether this was my best paper but rather, I just looked forward to closing that chapter.

My life took a very different turn a few months back where I experienced everything from curse to blessing. I thought I would not make it out. I thought I would lose everything I had worked very hard to achieve those last years. But I survived. I did not have a choice.

You see, every time God has sent me a blessing, it has been accompanied with an equally challenging trial. As if I did not completely deserve it. At last, that is what I thought. But today, I realize it was simply is way to make me slow down, to let him handle on his time, which direction my life must go next. Because you see, God never fails.

I remember wishing last new year to gain more strength, overcome my fears and sorrow and learn to be more patient. I got it all, the whole package. And it is not over. I can feel it . But most importantly, I know it.

However, I am not alone in this journey. I have my God, and the amazing people he has placed in my life that became my support system through it all. And most importantly, I have her, the best part of me, my baby. Though I am afraid, I do not fear because she is the light I have been missing this whole time.

2016 brought me the greatest sorrow with the loss of my best friend. 2017 filled my heart with the purest of all loves, bringing back, both my best friend and greatest life accomplishment. Today I am closing one chapter but also, opening the most important chapter of my life: I become me!

As 2018 begins, I am ABSOLUTELY thankful for everything that has happened. This holiday season, I received the most beautiful gift which is giving life.  Nothing compares to that. This new chapter will be eventful, scary and fulfilling! Although I am terrified daily toto care for such a perfect angel, I know I will be fine.

Oyana, you are my everything and I am thankful that you chose me to guide you through this crazy world!

Happy New Year!