I know, it has been too long. I am sorry. But honestly, I have no idea where to begin. Too much has happened in such a short of period of time that I kind of let myself drown in. Maybe it was fear, maybe just an overall exhaustion of always trying to control things. So these past five months, I simply withdrew into myself and took life and events one day at a time.
I am not sure whether this post will make much sense but I will try. So what happened? I guess life would be the most appropriate and accurate word to describe the past months. A succession of feelings and emotions, coupled with the daily occupations and responsibilities. Quite an explosive cocktail, especially when overall, you feel like the spectator and no longer the actor.
I simply felt like I had lost control over everything – though I still feel the same. The worst part, there was never a pause button to catch a breath. That is not how things work in life. You get one test after another and, eventually have to make it work, to the greatest extent possible. And the truth is, I had absolutely no desire nor motivation to post content that did not feel authentic. I could even care less whether I was losing followers or viewers because “I was going through some s***t” and I still am.
I needed a break but I did not even get to have it. Life kept its course, I still had commitments to fulfill. So I shut down and escaped into my deepest parts. At least there, I could let out all the refrained emotions while I continued to act “normal” outside.
So this post is to remind myself that it is okay not to feel okay. That sometimes I need time off to focus on myself and, figure s***t out. I could have deleted this blog but then I realized that it was also part of the coping process. I want to keep my promises and continue blogging to improve my writing. This time, I am not going to set unrealistic goals like “posting every monday and Wednesday” but something more on the lines of “stay true to yourself and do it when the time is right.”
Blurred-Heritage will be back. Stay tuned!